{"id":389,"date":"2016-08-03T21:24:06","date_gmt":"2016-08-03T21:24:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jonelkon.com\/?p=389"},"modified":"2016-08-03T21:24:06","modified_gmt":"2016-08-03T21:24:06","slug":"bitten-by-the-apple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/bitten-by-the-apple\/","title":{"rendered":"Bitten by the Apple"},"content":{"rendered":"

Appled!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

They produce hardware and software to a design template which is the\u00a0envy of techworld. Other tech companies emulate as best they can, often\u00a0outperform but no Apple lover notices. So addicted to that logo,\u00a0 metallic loveliness that concatenation with eye and hand, that often\u00a0successful mind-meld which second-guesses one’s dreams and fulfils them\u00a0with irritating alacrity and efficiency.<\/p>\n

And while the Applephiliac is engaged in the dream, the beloved reaches\u00a0invisible hands into the pocket and lovingly strokes the plastic therein\u00a0until it ejaculates money all the way to Cupertino. And I’m not just\u00a0talking about Apple Pay, which effectively cuts out the pocket\u00a0completely…<\/p>\n

Examples: Apple Music, say. A mere \u00a310 per month. It won’t be for long,\u00a0wait and see. And so music on the Apple Store immediately increased in\u00a0price. So for me, who merely buys the occasional album, I have to\u00a0carefully calculate which is more expensive. But Apple Music plays off\u00a0the Internet! So when I have no internet connection, say in the tube, no\u00a0music unless previously downloaded. It’s never mine! If I stop paying my monthly rental, it’s gone back to Mother Cupertino. And when I do have connection but no wi fi, the music would take\u00a0up my data allowance. So I would rather have my music within the\u00a0capacious memory of my phone. That’s why I paid extra for 128gb. Extra.<\/p>\n

So Apple came up with another way to stroke money out of me. The Cloud!<\/p>\n

All of a sudden I discover all the (purchased!) music on my phone is on the Cloud and\u00a0I start to get urgent messages that I need to upgrade my Cloud\u00a0allowance, more money!\u00a0I call Support for a quick method to download all my music back to my\u00a0phone. There isn’t one.<\/p>\n

And then there are the Glitches, the eternal fucking Glitches.<\/p>\n

Today I bought an album on my iPad from the Apple Store. \u00a37.99, formerly\u00a0\u00a34.99. A bargain! Enter Password! How many times am I asked for my password and told it is\u00a0wrong! I reset it. Wrong! Or ok on one device but not on another! Reset!\u00a0Wrong! Reset! Wrong! Eventually I have the album downloaded on the iPad.<\/p>\n

But not on the iPhone! \u00a0\u00a0Which is asking me for a fucking password!<\/p>\n

AGAIN.<\/p>\n

So here I am seated in the Apple Store in Covent Garden waiting for my\u00a0appointment to see a “Genius”. He\/she won’t have answers. I know this\u00a0because I’ve tried it before.<\/p>\n

…2 hours pass….<\/p>\n

Post Coital Depression<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I feel fucked. Frazzled. Foiled. Fandangoed. Two hours with a perfectly\u00a0nice Daniel, one of the better members of the Daniel clan although to be\u00a0honest I haven’t yet found a Daniel I didn’t like. This one, \u00a0ginger as he is, perfectly cuddly, as harmless as a neutered ginger tom,\u00a0singularly failed to sort a single one of my issues. Most of the time spent\u00a0with this pussycat consisted of inputting my password into a vast\u00a0variety of software scenarios until every possible variant of iTunes and\u00a0iCloud and iPhone restore and reboot and reimage with its blasted\u00a0password had been tried and retried and then again…and AGAIN AND AGAIN\u00a0and….considering one if the main reasons I was there was the sheer\u00a0fury suffered as a result of having to enter my password AGAIN AND AGAIN\u00a0AND AGAIN this felt like a version of a ghastly punishment for some evil\u00a0committed in my life – the Apple Store is obviously Tartarus, which is\u00a0that place in Hades in mythology where the punishment fits the crime.<\/p>\n

What on earth was my crime? Perhaps my passwords offended the Gods. mWhat’s wrong with “Fatefuck12s” or “Forgods32ake”? Or “Odinsucks52” or\u00a0“Jesusfarted22” ?<\/p>\n

I’m going home. The screen is showing “Some items could not be\u00a0downloaded from Cloud” and when I click ok, “Enter the password…”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Appled! They produce hardware and software to a design template which is the\u00a0envy of techworld. Other tech companies emulate as best they can, often\u00a0outperform but no Apple lover notices. So addicted to that logo,\u00a0 metallic loveliness that concatenation with eye…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-389","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thoughts"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=389"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":391,"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/389\/revisions\/391"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=389"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=389"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jonelkon.com\/jnlk\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=389"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}