Picture: thesixteen.org

Sexist meets “rapist”

Scene: a gold-plated conference room at the top of Trump Tower. Bright red curtains festoon the windows. A Louis XIV Boulle reproduction desk is at centre stage rear, side-on to the stage. A low gilded Bergere chair faces the desk while at the Business End a large leather and chrome boss’ chair dominates the room. The desk itself is free of any clutter, apart from a gold-plated reproduction 50’s telephone. A massive, florid portrait of the Trump is suspended, brightly lit by a garish spotlight, above the desk.

Enter the Japanese team stage L. The delegation is led by the Japanese PM Shinzo Abe (pronounced Ah beh! Not “Shinzo” that’s pronounced Shinzo.) To his L, his translator Michiko, and on his right, Katsiyuko Kawaii, his Special Advisor. For a moment, they stand staring in amazement around them. Then, unable to contain himself, Shinzo starts to chortle, and a wave of barely suppressed giggling travels through the delegation until Katsiyuko hushes them and mutters in Japanese, Shush! They’re coming!

Enter the Trump delegation stage Right. For opera lovers, imagine the scene from Handel’s Giulio Cesare, when Julius Caesar first meets Ptolemy, pharaoh of Egypt. Put that music in your mind…. (Search Va Tacito Glyndebourne on YouTuben- I’ve posted it on my Facebook page)

 On BO’s L, his barking Breitbart Advisor Steve Loose Cannon wearing a see through night dress and horns. On his R, his Chief of Stuff Reined Priapus in a KKK hat and white robes. His gun-in law Jared the Joker hovers above, taking pictures on his iPhone. The BO, as his acolytes call him (the Big Orange) himself is dressed as Al Capone dressed as Benito Mussolini in a pinstriped suit, dark glasses. To make the Japanese feel at home, he has strapped a Samurai sword to his belt.

The two delegations approach each other slowly, with dignity and when about 6 ft apart, Shinzo extends a hand to be shaken. BO, however, has a germ phobia and has been practicing his bow. He now attempts a Japanese bow which Shinzo, as he realizes what is expected of him, steps forward and bows. Their heads meet, painfully.

BO: (Startled) Shit! I’m injured! Millie! Where are you!

A beautiful 18-year old girl in very skimpy clothes jumps forward to help him. She wipes his brow with an antibacterial cloth, rearranges his hair and steps back.

Shinzo: (mortified) Sorry, so sorry!

BO: You speak English? (Then not sure he is understood, speaks more loudly in a Japanese accent) Speaka Ingrish?

Shinzo: I prefer Japanese. I have a translator…(Gestures toward Michiko)

BO: Hey! What a babe! (He winks lecherously) Tell ya what, come see me after, ok? Right! To business. English it is, right?

Shinzo: I prefer Japanese.

BO: Well I prefer English! You speak Ingrish, right? You’re in my country. Here we speaka da Ingrish.

Shinzo (Sighs. He is deeply offended. But decides to adapt for the sake of good relations): First, I congratulate you on your election.

BO: Didn’t expect that! Huh! You banked on the bitch winning! Hah! Yeh so? Next? Why did you want to be the first foreign person to have the honour of seeing me?

Shinzo: (Swallowing anger and deciding to get the meeting over with) You said some very worrying things about Japan Mr Trump. My people are concerned…

BO: (laughs) I said a lot of things. You can’t expect me to remember all of them. So what did I say?

Shinzo: Well, for a start, you said the Trans Pacific Partnership is a rape of your country…

BO: The Trans what? What the hell is that?

Shinzo: That’s the agreement between our countries. Just recently signed.  Very good for trade!

BO: Really? Is it? I like trade.

Shinzo: Sure! And that’s not all. My people are really worried.

BO: Are they? I’m not surprised! I am all for Trans ….it’s not their fault they’re perverts! They’re born that way!

Shinzo: That’s not….

BO: And rape? I’m against it! I’ve told all my people, no rape until we have established ourselves in the White House! After that all babes are fair game. No wonder your people are upset!

Shinzo: That’s not …

BO: You know what, Abe babe, I’m on it! Can I call you Abe? I won’t have any unhappy people. Just tell your Jap buddies, the Donald will fix everything. I need to think about it. Then I will fix. Done? Deal done! Boy, I’m awesome! The Art of the Deal strikes again…

(He nimbly makes up the gap between them, bows, bumping heads once again, and, shouting “Milly! Exits stage R, followed by his people, applauding as they go. Leaving Shinzo and his people speechless, staring after the Americans.)

Curtain