I’ve realised! Understood! Lying awake, as I do at 3am, mind wandering and roaming and tying itself up in knots, suddenly I understood how and why relationships work, or don’t work, or nearly work, or work for a while. So many youngsters I know are so goddamned confused, messed up. Not just youngsters! As I lay awake thinking about them lying awake in utter misery – been dumped! Or, did the dumping! And, whose fault?

Study the diagram above. On the left, a blokie. On the right, a woman. Could be another blokie, obviously, and the leftie could be another woman. Or a wombat, or a tree, whatever. What’s the female p.c equivalent of blokie?.

As you can see, each is divided into 3 parts. Great number, three. Let’s call it the Tripitaka. Or the Trinity, if you’re not a Buddhist.

Head: the intellect, the ability to make decisions based on logic. Planning, seeing danger and working out costs and benefits.

Heart: the emotions, the uncontrollable joy or fear or longing. Obviously, linked viscerally to –

Loins: sex. Horniness.

And next to each, a number. Here’s where I go into stereotypes, which as usual, do not cover all possibilities. Because so many men and women do not conform to the numbers.

For the stereotype man, his loins come (sorry) first. Led by the loins, the male strides where his dick decides. Every – is it six seconds? – a man thinks of his willie. For the stereotype woman, her loins come third.

Here’s interesting; For the M, head comes last. For the F, second. And her loins come third.

This is often nonsense, of course. And could be the cynical male view. Of course there are Fs who are C1, M who are B1, M and F who are A1.  Also, people change over time, priorities change. Natures change.

I am reminded of PAC. Does anyone remember I’m OK You’re OK “I’m OK – You’re OK^[1] is a 1969 self-help book by Thomas Anthony Harris. It is a practical guide to transactional analysis as a method for solving problems in life.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_OK_–_You%27re_OK

Another Tripitaka. The Parent: Do what I say! Why? Because I say so! Is this the equivalent of the prick?

The child: Don’t wanna! Boo hoo! Gonna do what I want to do! Is this the heart speaking?

The Adult: Now just let’s think about this and discuss it sensibly. Is this, then, the head?

As you can see, the transactions take place within several permutations. Including two people who  are in the throes (and throws) of a relationship. So which works best? Harris, naturally, asserts that two people in any transaction are best interacting Adult to Adult. That if any of the other interactions are occurring then, he says, bring it back to the adult. Head to head. And practically anything else is bound to fail. If one person is C1 and the other C3, problem. So that’s our stereotypical couple being Martians and Venusians obviously.

Earthlings, however, adapt. So my suggestion is, be an Earthling. Identify the 1, 2, 3 and the A, B, C!

Somewhere in this blog is the opportunity to make a fortune. Listen! Harris made a fortune, wrote his book and spawned a massive industry of Transactional Analysis. And how many other Americans have made huge fortunes by stating the obvious in different words which sound utterly like a New Terminology. Or even English people now and then (Alistair Smith for example with his Accelerated Learning guff, which any sensible teacher had been following since 1812). So, if you have a PHD in something vaguely relevant, pretend to do some research on the Relationship Tripitaka, publish, make a million and send me 10%.