I have pleasure in announcing the FINALISTS in the UNDER 18 MEGASAGA WRITING COMPETITION

BUT FIRST: As I promised, each writer will be given feedback here on their story by the Judges. I hope you will read the feedback carefully and use it to continue to improve your writing skills. Make no mistake: just being included in the Shortlist shows you have talent!

So first, the FEEDBACK. Then, the TOP 4 STORIES each one of which will get a CASH PRIZE.

FEEDBACK FROM THE JUDGES

Read the original stories here: http://jonelkon.com/megasaga-shortlist-under-18s/

LINDA NKOMO   KAZAU

Powerful stuff.  Someone who is excited by words and has probably been to church quite a lot or had the Bible read to her.  It is the last couple of lines that really stands out:  we are suddenly out of the whirlwind and in Johannesburg and then the wonderful and the stars flourished and back to earth with the final words.  It is a bit like a piece of music.

SITHOLILE MAGOQOZA   THE FIRE

Its good quality is its directness and sincerity.  The strength of this piece is the very factual nature of the reporting, as well as the reaction of the protagonist.

SITHOLIE MAGOQOZA   HOW PEOPLE GET NAMES

I loved this thoughtful little fable where the language veers between the vernacular and poetic and I like the way he/she uses caps to make her/ his point at the end.  And a lovely simple final sentence/thought.

BLESSING MUDZINGWA   A DIFFICULT LIFE WITHOUT A MOTHER’S LOVE  

Very touching .The one thing that really stood out as truly imaginative was the idea of the question as a gift.  But phrases like ‘she couldn’t take it any more’ lower the temperature.  The last line, however, rings true: a powerful feeling expressed in the writer’s own words.

BRIGHTNESS MOHLAKOANE    CROSS YOUR HEART AND HOPE TO DIE

The writer is talking to herself so it makes sense that when she repeats what her friend said, the language is very different. An interesting episode, which shows how and why one should never give up.

NTOMBIVUYO  ZOE MHLONGO    REALITY ALWAYS HITS HARD 

A dreadful experience honestly told. Good, plain descriptive writing. The simplicity of the description adds to the horror. The last line is excellent, as it leaves the reader thinking deeply: “I realized I was brought into a world where family is merely blood.”

(Charlotte) MAROPENG RAMOLOTO – MEETING HER DIDN’T DETERMINE MY DESTINATION

There is a kind of biblical simplicity about a sentence like ‘Knowing her was my wish.’   Hard not to respond to such an unadulterated expression of feeling.  A beautiful description of an important event in a young life.

WILLIAM TERRENCE   A WOMAN’S SECRET

The language is simple but this little story has real narrative force.   This makes it really promising.  The writer shows a great deal of insight and warns us never to jump to conclusions.

GANIE SINDANA  WHY THERE ARE ROCKS

Loved this one.  A real story.   Full of invention and the lack of punctuation which does, of course, need to be corrected, makes it read most appropriately as though the teller is breathless with excitement. (I hope it is his or her own invention but would like the telling even if it isn’t.)

SIYABONGA MKHUTYUKELWA    DRUMS OF LOVE

Amazing!  It is so direct and unselfconscious and poetic!  ‘The golden breeze of love  . .’   What is not to like?   Doesn’t matter if he or she has picked it up from movie magazines.  It shows a love of words.  And it doesn’t hurt that I don’t quite know what the experience was.

AMAHLE VALASHIYA    LIGHTNING AND THUNDER 

A nice attempt, I love the idea of Lightning and Thunder as mother and son and their disturbing the villagers.  `the ending needs a little work – nevertheless, well-achieved within the 100 words!.  

REBECCA MODISE   THE MIRACLE

I liked this and would expect the writer to be a very sensible girl with a good imagination.

CANDY MAMABOLO  BULLYING VICTIM’S VOICE FIGHTS HER BATTLE 

 The writer is definitely involved in this happening . It needed to be longer but obviously for a story like this, 100 words are just not enough. This story is about overcoming obstacles – especially bullying.

SINETHEMBA MALINGA   THE ONE BLACK TREE

Some vivid elements and I like the pace:  ‘ . . .  in a world full of magic . . . ‘ but as a story, it needs more narrative and depth. If the writer had more than 100 words, that would have been achieved. The writer needs to practise longer form fiction. Certainly there is talent here.

SINOTHILE MATILDA   CARVE

This has elements of traditional stories and I like the simplicity of the language. It reads like a wonderful traditional tale, which would make the basis for an exciting Manga animation.

NTOMBIVUYO ZOE MHLONGO – I WEPT

This astonishing story was left out of the first shortlist by mistake. It is a story that comes from the heart, and is deeply shocking. The last words are so well crafted: ‘Like always.’ A perfect example of bathos, leaving the reader wanting more.

SUMMARY: the stories seem to fall into two main categories: the traditional, magical and the real life experience. Both are equally valid, and the results are fascinating. Esther said, ‘each one could be the basis for a film script!’ and I do agree.

For next year, I suggest setting a theme or topic, so that the writers have more to go on! Congratulations to every writer here! You all show imagination, talent and enthusiasm.

THE FINALISTS ARE:

I WEPT by Ntombivuyo Zoe Mhlongo

KAZAU by Linda Nkomo

DRUMS OF LOVE by Siyabonga Mkhutyukelwa

WHY THERE ARE ROCKS by Ganie Sindana  

CONGRATULATIONS!

NOT in order! The WINNERS will be announced on SUNDAY! Meanwhile comment! Complain! Celebrate! Congratulate!