Wise up and adjust! With these handy FREE tips you can cut your electricity and gas use by a quarter to a half.

14 WAYS TO CUT PUTIN’S NOSE OFF TO SPITE HIS FACE AND SAVE THE PLANET TOO!

1. Washing up: do you need hot water? If you cook with minimal fat, pots pans and dishes can be safely cleaned to a sparkle with cold water and anti-bacterial washing-up liquid! Use a scratchy sponge or scourer to remove stubborn incrustations. Rinse well.
2. Why cook? Salads make a great meal. With the right dressing, add protein eg tofu, cheese, prawns, yum! No cooking needed. Easy washing-up!
3. Why heat? Jumper up! When the sun is shining, curtains open to let light in, then closed whenever sunbeams are not pouring in. Turn heating on low for half an hour early morning and evening to take the chill off.
4. Coffee and tea: cut down by half and save all the gas and electricity needed for caffeine intake! Or, if suffering withdrawal, Cafe Nero is comfortable and warm and no-one bothers you if you buy the odd caffeinator. And bring a laptop, even a dead one. They bother you less.
5. Exercise vigorously when it’s cold if you can. Keeps you warm and keeps the Putin from the door. 
6. Get invited to dinner with richer friends lots. Bring a salad and they’ll invite you again.
7. Do sex! Alone or with a friend. It’s warming, and great exercise. 
8. Go out lots. Libraries, public buildings, shops are all (over) heated. Lurk in department stores, wishing you had a slingshot for all those rich people actually buying things.
9. Here’s an obvious one: turn off all those stupid standby red lights on tv, etc. that’s about £60 pa saved. Why the hell do they still design stuff with standby lights? What are they standing by for? World War 3? Not long to wait now…
10. Bath and shower: if you haven’t invited that delicious neighbour over for some warming sex, why are you bathing/showering every day? Ok, if you’re smelly and don’t want to be shunned by strangers, maybe the odd ablution is a good idea. But not every day! However often you ablute, cut it down by two thirds. Halve the bath. Shorten the shower. 
11. Shaving: a battery shaver is nothing like as good or efficient as a wet shave but so what? Just buy one and zizz your face (if you must) most days. Saves lots! And if you are going to a warming dinner with those rich friends, wet shave with half the warm water you once used. It works! Why did we ever fill the basin?
12. Tech eats money. Radio, tv, computer, internet, iPad, mobile. Cut by half! It’s not just turning them on that delights the profit-mad utilities, it’s all that charging of batteries you have to do.
13. Clothes: wear, re-wear and wear again! You’ll be amazed at how often you can wear clothes without them smelling of rot. I change socks and underwear daily because I’m well brought up. But jeans go for days. Then, obviously do not use the washing machine until it is well full. No hotter than 30 degrees, add an extra pod of washing liquid if they’re super smelly. And ffs don’t use the tumble dryer!!! There are brilliant indoor drying racks available and washing-lines for those lucky enough to have gardens. Think of how impressed the delicious neighbour will be when he/she sees all those designer labels draped all over the flat.
14. Did you need to turn that light on? Most people have a habit of turning a light on when entering a room. Even in the daytime when there’s more than enough light to see where the toilet is. What a waste! The bathroom light usually has a fan attached. Did you fart? Exhale steam? Pee on the floor? Was that light(and fan) really necessary? The same for all other rooms natch.

DO YOU HAVE ANY BRILLIANT TIPS? LET ME KNOW!