On Becoming an Orphan

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how to feel

Except 

Herzgebrochen.

Only words can comfort me now.

No words can comfort me now.

The ship set sail so long ago

All that was left

Was some smoke on the horizon.

Now they tell me 

This great liner 

Stuffed with souls and ghosts and memories

Redolent with the laughter and tears and learning and

On the top deck the band played and Sinatra sang

And once, crowded with passengers! – most of whom climbed into lifeboats, drifted off

Long ago

Even the Captain jumped ship

Sister manned the helm

So bravely while in the engine-room

Brother-in law stoked the engines

Brothers perhaps 

Helped with maps

And now the great Mother ship

finally

This morning 

Sank

Once we were so safe in the stateroom

Immersed in the capacious library

Loved so much and told so! Endlessly. 

We learned there:

Compassion. Understanding. Love for humans.

Hatred of oppression and lies

And the courage to stand up to them.

We learned to love Ideas

And search for truth.

We laughed a lot.

And then when Sam died

Her rock, her hawser to the stanchion

of her harbour 

She just slipped her ropes

And set sail!

Sleep softly mutti

Your delighted cry of ‘Darling, I LOVE you’ stilled, except in our hearts.

Her Jonnneeeeee! Still with me.

Her Suzeeeee 

Her Keithieeee

Her Jaimeeeeeee!

Our always-comforts.

We will ever hear her voice

She once said to me, ‘all I want to do is leave a line scratched on the beach’

Well Mutti you have left a deep, deep chasm in our landscape

Where we will live always

With love

For you